Feb 9th, 2019
Anne, Fanny & Charlotte
Have you ever been in a situation where you are just tolerating a guy because, for now, he is a place-holder?
Wait, that didn't sound right. He is a nice guy, a sweet guy. Attentive, maybe even attractive - prime boyfriend material. And he gives you something more than those Wickham or Willoughby types ever could. No doubt some girl, somewhere, would be delighted to have him on her arm and in her life. But YOU’RE not that girl, and you never will be.
Dive into Jane’s novels and you will see that, for a time, some of her characters compromised their passions and settled - not always willingly, but, influenced by family, society and circumstance, settle they did.
Here are some examples…
Anne Elliot, tangling with her cousin, Mr. Elliot. She knew her heart belonged to Captain Wentworth but, believing him lost to her and involved with another, she flirted with the notion that Mr Elliot would do. Not only was he handsome, eligible, charming and amusing, he was her father’s heir - and he obviously admired her. What harm could there be in a dance and a stroll? Ultimately she does end up with the love of her life (most definitely not Mr. Elliot - for what is a Mr. Elliot compared to a Frederick Wentworth?!), but for a while at least, the attentions of her cousin are enough. And sometimes ‘enough’ is better than nothing. Even if the boy sweet-talking you turns out to be a scheming, villainous cad!
Example Two - Fanny Price and Mr Crawford. Ordinarily a decent, honest girl like Fanny would never so much as look twice at a morally-deficient player like Crawford, but then life happens...Edmund, the man she loves is utterly infatuated with someone else, a woman he cannot recognize for the shallow, grasping creature that she is. And just like that, Fanny finds she has a suitor, not really her type, but he’s handsome and charming, and everyone in her circle thinks the match a perfect one.Can you blame her for being (temporarily) tempted, ever so slightly swayed? So sensible Fanny tries to do the logical thing: get over the unavailable man she loves by steering her affections toward one she doesn’t. Again, like Anne, our Austen Heroine settles for a place holder or as I like to call it a “situational one”
Example three: My third example is someone who took the place holder thing a tad too far - she up and married the guy! Not the ideal route, in my opinion, but these days, not an uncommon one either. I see so many mismatched couples out there and find myself wondering if they settled, and why? Comfort? Compatibility? Financial security? Loneliness? Were they insecure and didn’t think they could do better? Did they happily hook up with the first person who wasn’t turned off by the fact that they had kids? Or did pressure from friends and family to ‘settle down before you’re left on the shelf’ drive them into the arms of the first suitable someone who came along?
Back to Example Number Three. Yes, you guessed right. It’s Charlottle. Oh, Sweetie! Everyone (but you) thought you could do better. Heaven knows, you deserved better - but at that time, beggars couldn’t be choosers!. So self-avowed unromantic Charlotte settled, and exchanged the possibility of love and passion for a steady income and a respected position in society. She was tired of being a burden to those around her so she jumped into a coupling of convenience and mediocrity. Part of me is saddened by this. Part of me considers her behavior and feels grudging respect: Charlotte hustled. She did what she needed to do to get what she wanted. Yes, Mr. Collins is atrocious (and I REALLY hope she cheated on him!), but marrying him got her a measure of independence, a respected place in society and the possibility of motherhood. Sometimes, even a Mr. Collins has his uses...
I find myself in such a pairing right now. He isn't physically want I want. We don't share the same views on relationships
( I'm monogamous and he is honest about preferring a more open situation). Despite finding him needy and unattractive, he brings a lot to the table that I haven't experienced in over a decade. He has a steady career as a scientist. He is sweet, consistent and accountable. He is also a generous spirit - a refreshing change, as I'm usually with guys who are “takers” not givers. And a giver he is. So, tell me - am I ‘settling’ or am I stepping out of my ‘taker/ Willoughby/Wickham’ comfort zone?
In Austenesque terms, while this man lacks the cool vibe of cousin Elliot, his Mr Collins comes with less cringe factor and more attractive qualities than the original.A point in his favour. On the downside, his blonde hair and 90s throwback clothes just isn't my cup of tea.
I say play it out and see where it goes. But you won't catch me doing a Charlotte Lucas and marrying Mr. Temporary just because I find his consistency sexy. No, will be more like Anne and Fanny and just hang out with him until either Captain Wentworth or Edmund Bertram turn up. I know what’s worth waiting for!
Ms. Austen Homegirl
